Symptoms :/

WARNING DETAILS!


Okay lets start with the miscarriage. For those of you who dont know...I was pregnant last year (May 2009) for five weeks..and my baby did not survive...it died on or around June 1st. We were NOT trying to get pregnant at the time...I was off of birth control for ONE week and got pregnant...the Doctors didnt know why I miscarried...their only guess was that the sack didnt attach to the uterus correctly. My guess is because of not being off birth control for very long. Anyways...we werent ready for kids anyways because financially we just weren't ready and we wanted to enjoy our marriage a little more before having a lil one running around. After that first pregnancy I decided more than anything that I wanted to be a mother. Lucas decided he wanted to wait awhile. Through the months & months of waiting I had been bothering him that I wanted a baby & that I wanted to start trying.
Finally when our name came up on the housing list he said that we could start trying as soon as we moved into our new house since we would have a bedroom for the baby. So around January 20th we started trying. It has been very difficult these months of trying as I psych myself out thinking I am pregnant each month because I get the symptoms A LOT.
The main problem was that I had Chronic Nausea...I had been nauseous since August/September time. I was throwing up, dry heaving, couldnt get out of bed nauseous. I lost my job because I was calling out sick so much. Well FINALLY in March/April I found out that I have H Pylori (a bacteria that causes ulcers and stomach cancer) so they put me on some anti-biotics to get rid of it. Tomorrow I go back to the GI Specialist to find out if the H Pylori is completely gone.

Anyways...now I am psyching myself out again thinking I am pregnant...I have been nauseous like crazy...especially this morning as six AM. EXCUSE the details...constipated, soreness around nipples, cramping when my period isnt even near, sharp pains near my rib cages, headaches, mood swings like crazy, etc. The MAIN thing that has me going though is that last night I had a dream that I peed on that stupid little pregnancy test and it was positive..the last time I had that dream I was pregnant. I know I am probably just psyching myself out...but I cant help it...I want a baby more than anything. It doesnt help my poor husband that I have been a crazy b*tch or an emotional wreck :[ Darling if you read this im sorry you have to put up with me :[ and I love you for doing so <3
I am surrounded by babies & pregnant women...its INSANE. Everyone I know is either pregnant or has a cute little bundle of joy. Well WHERE IS MINE?!?!? I can't help but get frustrated. Its been almost six months since we have been trying.

THEN to top it off..tonight my mind has to play the what if game...What if im not pregnant? What if I cant get pregnant? What if I am pregnant and I have another miscarriage? UGH seriously? WHY does my mind have to pull these questions on me NOW?

Well again sorry for the details but last month my period started on the 15th BUT it was like 12 days long & my period has been earlier & earlier every month. I go to the Doctor Thursday for my yearly papsmere (sp?) YUCK...and maybe I can get her to do a test (it might be too soon though)

If any of you readers pray...please pray that I am pregnant & have a healthy pregnancy & my baby lives to see the light of day.
I love you all very much. Thank you for all your support.

SORRY ABOUT DETAILS